Baby steps (for me, not Nolan. Just army crawls for him)

I'll start by reminding you that I haven't slept a full night through for approximately nine months now. Please excuse my sleep-deprived state of delirium. Today was rough. My patience that is normally something I've cultivated and honed like a fine art has worn to a brittle thread. I feel guilty all day long when it continually snaps without warning. My poor eldest daughter bears the brunt of my temper, I'm afraid, since I seem to have the highest expectations of her as the oldest. But also she tries hardest to push my buttons! I feel like every word that comes out of my mouth is to tell them to clean something. I do believe that play is the important work of a child, but I feel like there's hardly ever any time for that even. Last week we had dinner with some new friends. Their home was beautiful and spotless and cutely decorated, which we were in awe of, of course. My friend laughed lightly and said breezily that she just likes to clean. They have two children. I was busily guilting myself about why I don't seem to make time to clean or decorate my home like this, but later she mentioned that her two children are both in preschool three days a week. Suddenly it all made sense, and I had to reason with myself that maybe I could look like that too if I was sleeping all night and had so many hours per week to myself without little people begging to be held or fed or changed or entertained every moment! Baby steps. I know I'll be there someday. Hey, I was there a year ago! (Remember when I famously told Travis that my life was pretty easy at the moment, and I was thinking, "we can't have that!") Yes, well. I signed up for this wholeheartedly and not blindly, I might add, and I'm happy to be here. I just need to be patient with myself and where I'm at right now.

So. I'm committing myself to two goals: play with my kids every day and read to them every day (this has slipped as I keep finding myself exhausted by the end of every night.) At least even if I don't accomplish anything else, this will balance out my guilt! Start with the small things and work my way up and out of this rut!

And while I'm working on my own baby steps, this guy wants to learn how to crawl! So far he can do a plank onto his tiptoes, and then he scoots his toes forward until he falls on his face. That's how he moves forward. So far it's proven sufficiently effective, for him!