Monday, June 10, 2013

One of these things is not like the others...

Okay, actually I started this post a week ago, but due to technical difficulties was not able to complete it.
Pretty sure those "technical difficulties" involved me falling asleep in front of the computer.

This is the usual scene when a bunch of my friends and I meet someplace - playdates, the park, etc. Everyone shows up in her silver minivan. And then there's me. The black sheep. No really - I do not own a minivan, and my SUV is not even silver. It's BLACK. It's comical, really - a parking lot or driveway filled with silver minivans. I almost hate to ruin the unity. Almost. And I'll tell you why.

I have reached a great milestone in my life (for me), and it is that I no longer care about what other people think. (So basically I am becoming a grouchy old lady.) But really, I used to be so concerned with appearances and what everyone else was doing and what they liked or wore or drove or did with their kids that it actually influenced my own behavior. I had an epiphany one day, while living in the Land of the Supermoms, when I was taking my kids on some sort of outing to do something that none of us actually wanted to do but that was exactly what the "other moms" would have done with their kids. I suddenly realized, mortified, that that is no way to parent. Sure, it's great sometimes to share ideas or inspiration among other moms, but once it crosses the line of being helpful and ventures into the territory of showmanship or even competitiveness, that "inspiration" has ceased to inspire and instead has turned into a black hole. [Insert my Pinterest rant here. I won't even go there.]

Once I decided to break free of the Expectation Syndrome, (which by the way is a complete fallacy, because it does not by any extent of the imagination represent anyone's actual expectations of me, but only my perceived expectations of myself), I can't tell you the freedom. The old me would have surveyed the above driveway scene and maybe wondered to myself if maybe we should start shopping for a silver minivan. After all, that's what all the other moms had done. A little bit pathetic, right? But not anymore! I've realized how liberating it is to do something only because it is important to me. Finally I'm proud to be different!

I do realize that most people reach this coming-of-age epiphany at, say, age 13. I'm a little slow like that.

I have begun to notice my new found freedom in everything I do - how I dress or do my hair, what time I put my kids to bed, what we eat, where we shop, etc., etc. No more "Would _____ wear this?" or "What would ______ do?" but instead, "Do I like this?" or "What would work best for us?" Finally I stopped trying to imitate everyone around me and was able to just relax and feel comfortable being me and me alone. As Jillian Michaels, that sage old oracle of deep philosophical wisdom, says, "Be yourself - everyone else is taken!"

The main victory here is the realization that there is no need - no, it is downright inexcusable - to be embarrassed by my choices. I'm thinking now of the more serious ones: how many children I have, how we've decided to raise them, what I want to teach them, where we are in life right now, etc. There will always - ALWAYS - be plenty of people who disagree with my choices, and I have better things to be doing than to be constantly making excuses for myself. I used to feel like I often had to justify or defend myself, or, I'm ashamed to say, even feel embarrassed by some of my choices, even though I knew they were right for my family, but because of how socially accepted they are or are not in the public eye. Finally I told myself, "NO. These are OUR decisions and we are going to do what's right for US. If other people want to judge us, that is their problem and not mine." This is MY LIFE and I chose it. It is not something unfortunate that just happened to me and I'm trying to make the best of it - it is something that we carefully and prayerfully orchestrated for ourselves and it's perfect for us. My new obnoxious-old-lady attitude is still a work in progress, but the minor adjustments so far have helped me feel more comfortable and confident. It's my life, and I'm going to stand up for it. The end.

In other news, guess who's sleeping in a Big Boy Bed?
Well, sort of.

5 sweet nothings:

Summer said...

That photo is too funny, mainly because I became a silver minivan driving mom not too long ago, but MUCH against my hopes. I so wanted to be the black SUV driving mom you are, but alas I will take a cue from you and embrace our minivan-ness since it is what works for us :-) I'm slowly making my way towards the "old lady attitude" as well - moving to WV was a BIG step in that direction. Nice post, Krista!

Anie said...

You crack me up Krista!! I SO want to know more about what you're talking about. I've never taken you for one who cared about what others thought or did. You've always been so great about marching to the beat of your own drum. What I would give to have a good girls night and hear more about all the thoughts in your head! Sure miss you and your family! We really gotta plan a reunion one of these days!

Dan and Bec said...

That is a great picture, perfect fit to your post! I love you Krista!
Tess just turned 7, thinking of Kate and wishing she were here celebrating with Tess.

Dan and Bec said...

That is a great picture, perfect to begin your post. I love you Krista.
Tess just turned 7, thinking of Kate and wishing they were celebrating together!

Doreen said...

Krista- pilots are cool! Who would want to change over to minivan-ville when they can live in pilotville?? We have a pilot :) you are one of the coolest people I know. This post did surprise me though. I see you as krista the do it all mother!! You are awesome, seriously.