Sweet Kate

Kate and I playing a duet - she is now playing on the "white keys"

Troy and Brooklyn have had their share of the limelight, so I figured it was Kate's turn. My mom and I used to play duets together, and my sister and I as well, but now they are both so far away, I have to play alone. My dream is to have a musical family, and I have even tried to teach Travis to play the piano, so it's been fun to see Kate take off with her little lessons. (She actually plays quite well - this video does not do her justice.)

I've fought a few emotional battles with myself over Kate recently, mostly related to school. She has a best friend at home, who lives just a few doors down and goes to church with us, and they go to the same school but are in different classes. And she has a best friend in her kindergarten class. For all intents and purposes here, we'll call her Petunia. Lately I had started to hear some interesting stories about Petunia. Like, Kate can no longer bring the yogurt that comes in a small container for lunch, because Petunia says it's "baby yogurt" and if she eats it, she can't be Petunia's friend. Or, Kate would love to play with her BFF Kaitlyn at recess, but Petunia informs Kaitlyn that Kate is playing with her, and that's that. I went on a field trip with them last week, and rode home on the bus with Kate and Petunia. Everything was fine until randomly, Petunia started to pout. Kate asked what was wrong, and Petunia informed me that Kate had called her a mean name. Me: "What?" Kate: "What?" Um, I've been sitting right there! Me: "Well, what did she call you?" Petunia (after some deliberation): "She called me a baby." Kate (definitely indignant): "NO I DIDN'T!" (Trust me, I know when this girl is or is not lying. Plus, I'm SITTING RIGHT HERE! I've heard every word so far!) Me: "No she didn't." Petunia turns her back and continues to pout dramatically. Kate can't stand to see anyone upset with her and tries to console her friend, meanwhile turning back to reassure me, "Petunia still loves me even though she frowns at me. We're still friends." I just stared in shock as this continued, and finally Kate, at her wits end, apologized! I was like, You didn't even DO anything! Don't apologize to that manipulative, controlling little girl! Kidding, I didn't say anything at all, but I was thinking it! I had a new perspective after seeing it firsthand. Kate later told me that sometimes she goes out to recess, and Petunia says, "Hey Stupid!" and everyone laughs. Petunia also has a little henchman who regularly calls Kate stupid and says she hates her. So WHY doesn't she get new friends, you wonder??? I've been working on that one. The thing is, Kate can't handle having people not like her, so rather than moving on and leaving them alone, she will bend over backwards to make them like her, or die trying. I think these girls have figured that out pretty quickly and are using this fact to make Kate a little pawn in their games. It made me so angry and also made me check out anti-bullying books at the library (which I did at first because I was afraid Kate would turn into a bully, based on some of the behaviors she was bringing home!) This part of parenting is so hard - trying to figure out how not to interfere too much but to direct her enough so she feels like she can stand up for herself and fight her own battles.

Of course we've been working on this, and things have already gotten MUCH better. It's funny how I thought Kate's personality (wanting to please everyone and always aware of and empathizing with other people's feelings) would ensure that she would always have close friends and do well socially, but it seems to have backfired a little for her - already! In kindergarten! These girls are FIVE YEARS OLD! Now if it had been Brooklyn in her shoes, she would have sneered, "I don't care," and run off to play with the boys or draw on something she shouldn't. Not saying that Brooklyn won't have her own social issues to face when she's that age, but I am already anticipating that they will be somewhat different! But to her credit, Kate's a smart girl, and she's worked hard to improve the situation (it helps that she's highly motivated by a need for other people's approval). Hopefully this will be just another of those life lessons that are one of my main reasons (the main reason? The only reason?) for sending her away to school. It's just so hard to watch my little girl grow up and become more independent! Aren't they supposed to NEED ME forever???